dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
