I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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