He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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