Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
