Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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