Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
