u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
