Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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