Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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