Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
