he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
