Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
