Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
