you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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