Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
