Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the day after is always just damage control
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
