He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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