So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
