Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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