please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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