Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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