His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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