Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
