forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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