Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
pray to the hookup gods
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
