I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I stole a fireplace last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
