I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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