I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
