Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
