Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
