You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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