um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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