i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
