This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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