there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
