I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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