I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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