Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
