once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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