yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
