Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
