i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
