If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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