I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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