Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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