Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
