5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
