he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bring money and cleavage
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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