Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
