Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.