Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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