So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
