ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?