The brown eye won't let me do that either.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.