I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook