Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.