i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
