Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just pynch a tree in the face
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
