This girl is more easily done than said...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
