Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME