Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.