my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
