She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
