remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
