Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
