Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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