I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
