Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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