I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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