who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
