New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
