i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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