I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
