im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
