I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
