forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
