She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
