screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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