I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
